I saw a post the other day featuring a very beautiful picture of Mila Kunis, and it was entitled 8 Reasons Why You Should Always Date The Girl Who Drinks Whiskey. I didn’t bother clicking on it at the time, because I don’t drink whiskey. I didn’t think much about the article until last night. I was out for dinner at The Anchor and Hope (which was fantastic by the way!) and I was confronted by a well stocked bar; a huge wine list, loads of beers on tap, and some great cocktails.
Leaning over the bar I tried to examine the coolers for a cider – I’m not a huge fan of beer, it was hot out and I didn’t want red wine, and I’ll admit it I love cider. I started off with those fruity ones like Old Mout Summer Berries, but soon fell in love with real Bristol cider – flat and strong and dry, not sweet. Anyway, there weren’t any ciders I could see. The bartender asked politely what I wanted (because I was obviously in the way) and I asked for any ciders. He handed me this Devon Organic Cider. And it was delicious.
I promise I’m going somewhere with this. I began wondering what type of girl I am for drinking cider. What do our drink tastes, as women, tell people about us? Did everyone at the bar side eye me and think ‘oh, she drinks cider’? And, of course, why does that matter? Why do we need to qualify our drinking preferences with our attractiveness to men? I like cider because it’s tasty, I dislike white wine, and I don’t like doing shots of sambuca (something I’d never heard of until I moved to London). Does this make me less date-able than a girl who drinks whiskey?
So this is my list – why you should date a girl who drinks whiskey as annotated by a girl who drinks cider (and red wine, gin and tonics, vodka cranberries, mojitos, caipirinha’s, and hot chocolate with baileys)
- You know she can hold her liquor — Do you? Because she drinks whiskey slowly? What about a girl who drinks popov vodka out of the plastic bottle? Surely she can hold her liquor too i mean that stuff can peel paint from walls
- She’s mysterious — If she ordered it wearing a ski mask and using a funny voice, yes. Otherwise, she’s a girl ordering whiskey? What’s mysterious about that? You know her, presumably, and you know what she’s ordering – because the whole article is about girls drinking whiskey
- She’ll need to dip her foot in the pool first — WHERE DID THE POOL COME FROM? I thought we were drinking whiskey. unless we’re at a pool side bar. Okay, probably a good idea because if you’re drinking, diving head first into a pool is a bad idea. But surely most people dip their foot in first? Or an elbow if they really want an accurate temperature reading…
- She knows how to appreciate something — Because as soon as I order a cider I start chugging it instantly so I don’t have to be bothered appreciating its flavour
- She’s deep — According to their own list this directly contradicts their own previous statement (3) because she will ‘jump into the deep end, thanks to whiskey’. Don’t drown!!
- She’s probably an alpha — The list describes this as “She isn’t afraid to stick up for herself. She’s probably a “whiskey person” for a reason. She’s not the type of girl who will let anyone walk all over her; if someone disrespects her, she’ll set a boundary right then and there and moved forward.” What’s the reason? What does this have to do with being an alpha?
- She’s a profound thinker — Everyone’s a profound thinker if they drink enough of anything. Then they’re unconscious.
- She’s not easy but she’s definitely worth it — I would like to think that all women, easy or not, are worth it, whatever it is (respect, equal pay, power over their own bodies…) The list finishes with: “…she’ll challenge you, making you a better man – all with a sexy glass of bourbon.” I’ve never seen a sexy glass of bourbon before.
What I felt this article did was perpetuate the standard that everything women do is in relation to their value/attractiveness to men. It pushes women to drink things they don’t like in the hopes they’ll be as attractive to men as Mila Kunis is. I like Mila Kunis – I think she’s pretty and talented, though Jupiter Ascending was terrible – but I’ll stick with cider, thanks.